Breaking News – Government Declares Mermaids Do NOT Exist

The United States Government believes that this is the perfect time, with vacations and stuff, to let you know that mermaids do NOT exist. They have even put up a webpage to explain.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has added a page to their website declaring,

No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.

Now that this has been cleared up, they should be able to get millions in grants to study the “Kraken“.